There is so much talk about work and life balance, and yet balance is very short-lived – constantly requiring us to be course-correcting in one direction or another. What if there was something entirely different that is possible with how we create our lives every day, that includes our businesses, relationships, and our families?

Life!

The downfall of so many marriages is simply: day-to-day life. We get busy, tired, stressed, checked out, and the first thing that goes out the window tends to be the people that are closest to us, including ourselves. This often creates a sense of needing to separate or compartmentalize our lives so everybody and everything gets at least some attention.

However, that strategy puts different aspects of our lives at odds with each other. In our own minds and tends to make people & things we care about suddenly feel like a responsibility or a burden.

What if everything in your life could contribute to everything in your life – including you? What if you being dynamically engaged with your business or a job could contribute to your marriage and make it greater?

Why are we doing this to begin with?

Many people are entrepreneurs because they love to create new things. They love to be engaged in the world and in their business. If this was not a problem in your marriage, what might change?

Here are three things you can change in your work and home life to turn “work-life balance” into a completely different conversation:

1. Stop putting business in a separate camp from your marriage

If you enjoy anything about your work, perhaps it is something that makes your life more fulfilling? Often, it is the stress associated with the feelings of responsibility for everybody in our lives that makes time spent at work feel burdensome. If you didn’t have that stress and sense of obligation, what would be different?

If you begin to recognize that your work is a source of joy and nourishment for you, it can be a greater contribution to your relationship and family, as well.

2. Make the ‘quality’ in “quality time” the important element

We all know that we need quality time with our partners and families. What if you don’t need as much of it as you might think you do?

Even 10 minutes of being totally present with somebody can be a huge and actually rare gift.  Do you have a point of view that spending lots of time with your spouse will make your relationship better?

Often that comes more from a need to prove that we care than the actual necessity for a lot of time together. What if you started to truly value the quality of the time spent together rather than the quantity? When we have space from each other, and we are engaged & happy in our lives, it can be even more rewarding, nurturing, and valuable to spend time together.

What if you could replace the problem of “lack of time” with the joy of having a full and engaged life?

3. Celebrate each other’s successes

Since work is such a big part of our lives, it can be quite lonely when we feel like our partner is not truly interested in what we are creating in the world or is just there for us to complain about the stress of work life.

Often times, work conversations tend to be negative conversations about the stresses at work, issues with coworkers, etc. What if you and your spouse made an agreement to ditch those conversations and instead share with each other what is exciting to you about the work you are doing, and your daily accomplishments, however small?

It can be incredibly fulfilling to see somebody that you care about enjoying themselves and feeling good about their work in the world.

What if work conversations could nourish your marriage, rather than be a source of diminishment of it? What could you and your spouse contribute to each other in this way that would make your marriage far greater?

It’s your life!

When you realize that every part of your life can contribute to every other part of your life, you become free of the self-imposed obligations and segmentation of people and responsibilities that ends up feeling like a burden.

Take a different perspective on ‘balance’

Start to ask more questions about what actually works for you and your spouse on any given day – and you may find yourselves delightfully surprised with what you discover!

 

Read the original article Marraige.com with Heather Nichols.

 

Heather Nichols, MSW, is a facilitator, speaker, body magician, author, & transformational coach.  She combines a Master’s Degree in Social Work with 25 years of experience in the world of business, bodies, + change to facilitate people to know that they can create an epic life in a way that actually works for them.  She  has a unique & uncanny capacity to turn everything on its head & find possibilities in even the most barren of landscapes.  Heather delivers a robust offering of trainings, talks, private sessions, and classes internationally as well as online.

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