A lot of people go to the judgment of being a mum and are in a constant state of looking at where they’re wrong, rather than a constant state of question and choosing. Recently, I had Lauren Marie on my radio show. She has not let anything stop her, even though she is a mother of twins who have only just turned one. She hasn’t sacrificed her business or her creativity just because she became a mom. She includes them in what she does and keeps creating.
Lauren is so interactive with her kids; she has so much gratitude for them being in her life. She receives from them and allows them to receive from her. I love the way she has fun with them and does her business; and is very successful. She doesn’t put either one aside. She allows everything to contribute to her.
Yet one of the major obstacles to mums in business are the judgments and expectations that this reality projects onto them; the myths of motherhood. Below are some of the most common myths that came out of my discussion with Lauren, and how you can out-create them.
Myth #1. Balance. Being successful in your business as a mom, or even in the business of being a mom, is not about balance, or having everything ordered. Chaos can be wonderful and beautiful and can create something that works for you. The universe functions from chaos. There are a lot of points of view about having a good balance between your mum time and your business or work time and your social time and your exercise time and your husband time, etc., yet none of that is real. Lauren says, if she tried to plan everything out in her day and allocated x amount of time to each thing to be ‘balanced’ and tick all those boxes, she’d already be setting herself up to get it wrong, because it’s just not going to happen. Having twins is chaotic; her days are very messy. What if you were willing to function from the chaos of your reality, which actually brought in the order and the balance, not as this reality suggests, but what works for you. Order is not a place where there’s always balance and everything is neat and tidy, etc.; it’s the order of ‘let’s move forward; let’s create greater possibilities’.
Myth #2. Sacrifice. A lot of people in this reality function from the mentality of “Life’s over now” when they have children. But you don’t have to stop creating your life just because you’ve had a kid. We create every day. We create our relationship with our kids every day, we create our businesses, our relationships, our money flows, everything! You are in constant creation. If you are not creating, then what are you doing? Ask “How does it get any better than this?” or “What else is possible that I have not yet asked for?”
The one thing I see people do is start to exclude themselves. My point of view is that you have to be willing to include you in everything, which doesn’t mean cutting you off. Ask, “How do I do business and include my children and have them be a part of my life?” What if you were willing to not function from your logical mind, and actually ask to follow the energy and ask the universe for assistance and be willing to choose what you would like. What would your life be like if you were actually choosing for you?
Myth #3. Guilt. Do you have the point of view that there is something wrong with you for desiring to go to work even though you have children? What if it was a choice? And, what if you didn’t have to justify your desire to work by saying “I need the money”. What if you actually like working and making money and it is a contribution to your kids? Just because you have kids doesn’t mean you can’t create. This reality is always projecting at women how to be a ‘good’ mum; and you’re a good mum if you’re available for your kids. What if you were available energetically but you might not be available physically, like those who drop their kids off at day care so they can do more? I know women who have gone back to work straight after having a baby and their partner has stayed home to look after the baby, or the baby’s gone to day care, and there are so many judgments around that. What if day care was actually a contribution to your child? I see so many kids who are so interactive with others because they’ve been at day care. And I’m not saying you have to put them in day care, or that day care is better, but what if you didn’t feel guilty about it? What if you had no reasons and justifications for anything you chose? And you chose because you followed the energy of what works for you and your family.
You have to get that guilt is not real. The purpose of guilt is to control you and to distract you from what you are actually aware of. If you make it real, then you become at the effect of anyone who is ‘guilting’ you; which can even be your kids as early as the day they are born with their crying, or pouting, etc., or it can come from your family, friends, co-workers, society, media, church, and so on; whoever tells you that you should be doing this or that and if you’re not, then you should feel bad about it. What if none of that was real for you and you didn’t feel guilty for doing the ‘wrong’ thing and you chose from what was truly real for you? Ask, “Did I actually do something wrong? Or am I just buying into this reality?” And, if you feel guilty for going to work, what are you modeling, or teaching your kid? That you’re supposed to feel bad if you do something for yourself? Then you are teaching them never to choose for them.
Myth #4. Separation. This reality functions based on either/or. For example, you either have kids and stay home, or you don’t have kids and work. Lauren allowed her kids to contribute to her business, by asking them to and letting them know what was going on; that it was a way she could make them money. Even when they were in utero, they got that. She asked them to contribute to her business, and they did. So you don’t need to keep your kids separate from your business. Ask them, and let them, contribute to what you are creating and be a part of it. What if your kids knew more than you were willing to acknowledge? What if you were willing to ask your kids, and babies, and in utero, for contribution? I remember asking my son if he wanted to travel with us more, and he said yes. So I asked him to contribute to making more money. Since that conversation, we have actually made more money; even though I don’t know how or why. What if you asked your kids for contribution; to be everything they can be and contribute energetically to you being creative and making money and creating a successful business?
Myth #5. Time. If you don’t have a point of view about working, then you can get things done whenever. What if you just worked when you had the energy to? If Lauren really needs to get something done, she does it in the morning because there is not a lot of creative juice happening past 8 pm at the moment; it’s her zone out time, not her creative, energetic time. And that’s following the energy as well, because you know you are more creative in the morning. Lauren has created a flexible job that works for her; she knew she wanted to be at home with the kids and she wanted to work and she wanted to travel, etc. It’s not luck; it’s what she demanded and created for herself, because she didn’t buy into this reality’s points of view about what she can and can’t do.
She understands that a lot of single mums do juggle kid time and 9-5 work hours. You just have to ask the universe for whatever it is that you require and be really willing to receive it from whomever and wherever and whenever; if it matches the energy. Listen to Lauren here talk about following the energy and getting out of your logical mind. You can also ask your kids to contribute and find who they want to look after them, to create that space for you. And, maybe it doesn’t look like you expect or you thought it would. Perhaps a neighbour could look after the kids? Ask if this will contribute to you and your kids.
Simone Milasas is the founder and author of Joy of Business and conducts a weekly radio show on OM Times. Lauren Marie is a Joy of Business Certified Facilitator and mother of two. You can listen to the replay of Joy of Business for Moms with Simone Milasas and Lauren Marie here: http://podcast.omtimes.com/e/joy-of-business-for-moms/